Transgenerational heritage and The Ones Before

I am currently obsessed with a song by Rose Betts called Irish Eyes. 

Probably because I might have Irish Eyes myself but mostly I am particularly sensitive/receptive to the lyrics « I’m a map of the world and the ones before » because ever since Le Baby was born, I’ve had this feeling lurking in the back of my mind of a pattern repeating itself in me and my child but also of an intangible heritage passed down by generations of women who came before me. A bit like being haunted by well intentioned ghosts.

Far be it from me to imply that being a mother has completed me or completes any woman for that matter. I was completely complete before my daughter’s arrival. I think motherhood is « just » another life experience, a notch on the proverbial belt. Albeit one that changes the chemistry of your brain and your whole life forever but « just » an extra notch none the less.

Amongst other things, becoming a mother has made me hyper aware of what it « means » to be a woman. That includes both the extraordinary gift of creating life but also the burden : all the struggles, the extra shitty stuff like surrendering one’s body for nine months, popping out a watermelon through one’s vagina, willingly giving up one’s breasts to a succubus, the going back to work dilemma, societal pressures and expectations, that kind of thing.

In my experience, before motherhood, being female was mostly easy peasy lemon squeezy. I have had the luxury of been able to go through life mostly without feeling hindered by me gender (if you rule out of course standard street harassment and dumb blonde jokes etc, ‘coz you know, patriarchy). I’ve never really had to think about it. But in motherhood, all of a sudden, being a woman kind of revealed itself a hardship. (It hasn’t helped that my endometriosis was dormant most of my adult life so I have had the added bonus of discovering perpetual physical discomfort due to my reproductive organs ever since Le Baby was born.)

I just want to say : if it’s a Who or a What that decided that women would bear the brunt of all human reproductive-linked physical sufferings, they should be fired. ASAP.

I distinctly remember dragging my 6 month self down the street one day and thinking (welcome to my brain where blindsiding yourself with questions is a thing) : Why did reproduction have to be so binary ? Why was it decided that for mammals, we’d split the population in two : this half will do nothing and this one will do EVERYTHING. And also make sure those who do nothing THINK that makes them superior somehow (WTF ?!?). Male seahorses could be entitled to feelings of superiority but I guess they (unfortunately) failed to impress and mammals everywhere paid the price…

Several good things did come from all these hardships :

• first and foremost, my daughter, obviously 

• my inner strength : it’s very powerful knowledge that comes from knowing you can put someone else’s needs systematically before your own to the point of your own physical pain. And also experiencing one’s body as a machine is incredible, as is its healing capacity and the brains ability to make you forget how horrendous it all is …! This has all contributed to make me consciously feel strong/stronger.

• the sense of sorority that comes from motherhood. The knowledge that I was the result of a specific genetic mix a bit like hand me down tools that helped make me capable of doing right by my baby in every way possible. I’m not sure how exactly transgenerational trauma expresses itself in me but I am very mindful and thankful for transgenerational heritage and all the women that came before, those I know and those I don’t. They all live on in some small way and I am grateful for them.

NB Have noticed sense of sorority means, embarrassingly, getting a lump in my throat and a tightness of the chest when listening to I Am Woman de Helen Reddy or even I’m Every Woman de Chaka Khan…